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We have written in our "stories" about times, early on in our swinging experiences, when both of us felt a little left out of a threesome situation. Passion had broken down communication a bit, and neither of us had been assertive enough to get ourselves back into the action. We talked those situations through, learned from them, and really haven't had those problems since. We have also written about what happens when we meet a couple and only one of us is attracted. That's an "easy," decision, though in the moment, it isn't so easy. Neither of us will "take one for the team," so if both (or all four) of us aren't into it, nothing happens. A trickier situation arises with couples that combines the two above situations. We have experienced it, but it took a letter from one of you to remind us. Here is what the letter said:
We loved this question because it is honest and familiar. We favor threesomes and groups (more than two couples) more and more because of that sort of situation. If one of the people becomes uncomfortable, someone ends up getting "gypped." No fun. I doubt there is any future with that couple (he may not be ready), so friends is probably all there could be.
If you're like us, though, you already have enough friends you don't have
sex with. Anyway, we don't think there's an "answer," except for looking
for another couple, one that is more experienced, or try threesomes or
groups (where the odds are in everyone's favor).
Comfort Zones: As far as that couple goes, they probably aren't the right fit. They probably aren't experienced and are still exploring their comfort zones. He wanted to see his wife get pleasure, and we certainly understand that. Losing one's erection when getting uncomfortable or even over-stimulated isn't that rare. The key to stopping that is getting in comfortable situations. Separate Rooms: Maybe separate rooms isn't the way to go with that couple. We prefer everyone to get together too. Communication could have been maintained between all were in the same room. Things would have stopped for all until everyone would be comfortable. One cool trick with two couples is to make it into a series of rotating combinations. If one wants to sit out a little while, three is a great number as well. Resentment: Though resentment is understandable, it probably does no good. Couples are into swinging for both in the couple, not just one. Know, though, that in the long run it all evens out. Sometimes one in the couple doesn't have quite the same sort of fun as the other.
Any other ideas? Let us know.
J&J
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