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Swinging for the single male can be a wonderful experience, though it can be tough to get started. Don't be disappointed. There are some road blocks set up for the single man: nights at clubs that you aren’t invited (if you are allowed to go at all) and some females and couples who refuse to talk to you. Understanding why the roadblocks are in place is the first step toward getting through them. So why do you see NO SINGLE MEN on so many profiles? Yes, it is unfair that the double standard exists. Single women are sought after, encouraged, hunted like the holy grail. They are treated with respect, almost reverence, and their intentions are rarely questioned. There are never nights at a club that a single woman would be turned away. In fact they can usually get in for free. I have yet to come across a profile that said NO SINGLE WOMEN, even in lower case letters.
The reason is supply and demand, the economics of sex. Fewer single women are involved in the lifestyle than couples or single men. Along with there being fewer of them to go around, they are more in demand because they figure into so many couples’ fantasies. Many if not most of the women in the lifestyle are bisexual. It makes sense, then, that couples would want to hook up with someone they both could enjoy. If you are a bisexual male, you are in demand from couples with a bisexual male (fewer out there—especially those that advertise it), but some straight couples may shy away from you. In the end, only a slight if any economic advantage there. Hooking up with a single woman in the lifestyle is as difficult as getting with a couple. Some are interested, but others (the few that are out there) think that's too much like dating. It is easier to pick up a single woman at a bar than on a swinger dating site. The supply and demand then works opposite for single men than it does for single women. There are more single men out there and fewer people want them. We personally like the mfm threesome, but not every time. We tried it the first time because of availability, and we haven’t looked back. You noticed we said "availability." Here's the advantage. Very few single women, and couples with childcare and other issues, make single men one of the most reliable means to a swinging good time for couples. Another reason couples will want you is that you are a single rather than a couple. Getting together with a couple requires that four people be attracted to one another. Often two or three are attracted but not all four. A single is easier. If she is attracted, you're in. Simple. Besides “economics,” the second reason for such sales resistance lies in the few bad apples that have come before you and surround you at this moment. Some single men are crude, disrespectful, demanding--you name it. But I’m not a number, I’m not the stereotype: I’m an individual! Exactly. That’s why you are reading this. Given that you aren’t one of these horror stories, you will want to do your best to distance yourself from them and not do something unintentional that will make people think you are. Expressing your individuality is, of course, the key to success. It doesn't matter as much that there are so many single guys if you stand out as an exception. The first thing to do to stand out is know yourself and really consider your reasons for swinging (and be honest with yourself).
Anything is possible in the lifestyle, but the fantasy of finding a hot, single, bi woman who will want to partner up with you is slim—not impossible—just slim. If you’re looking to cheat, there are couples and single females that will be with you, but not all. For most couples, the idea of swinging is the opposite of cheating, so they don’t want to be involved with it. They are experiencing sexual freedom which can bring them closer to their partners, not doing something behind the back of their partners. Ethical sex. That being said, some don’t judge. Be honest, and see what happens. Even if it hurts your odds further, honesty is the best policy. Pretending to be a couple (but she is busy, having her period, just gave birth, etc.) is fairly transparent to most. They will know you are a liar. Cheaters are more popular than liars. If you are looking to experiment, make friends, have some fun, you will probably be most successful. Some couples will treat you as “a tool,” purely an actor in one of their fantasies, but many others are looking for like-minded folk for fun in and out of the bedroom. If you go after the lifestyle with an open mind, respect for those you meet, and get to know people as friends, you are most likely to meet people of like mind, and thus like pleasure. We personally have single male friends that we invite to get-togethers as well as evenings alone. At the get-togethers, they meet other couple friends, and the fun expands. So, if you haven't been too successful yet, don't worry. Be patient and be aware of the reasons for résistance. Understanding them and working with them will increase your odds and your satisfaction.
Write us with your questions, concerns, and ideas!
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